The Best of Climbing April Fools 2019

This week’s friday feature is the best of this year’s Climbing April Fools’ Day 2019 products and news. Featuring a new addition to the Honnold Signature series, innovative sucker pads for route setters, gear for extreme weddings, and way more. This years Climbing April Fools has gone above and beyond what is reasonable.

Black Diamond Alex Honnold Signature Series expands

For the last few years BD has come up with a range of exciting new products to add to the Honnold signature series. Last year we had the – actually very popular – Hot Forge heated chalk bag and in 2017 the HonnSolo airbag pack. We know what climbing shoes Alex Honnold wears, but what cookware does he prefer?

Outdoors Experiences for your Pets

REI may actually be on to a winner here. No longer will crag dogs be relegated to passive observer status.

New Suction Aid for Routesetting

Inspired by this intrepid Trump supporter 360 holds have a new piece of aid for the pro routesetter.

Trad Glasses for Perfect Placements

Love the idea of trad climbing but hate thinking about placements? Furnace Industries have the product for you. Think Google Glasses but actually useful

Furnace Industries Trad Glasses - Climbing April Fools - climbernews

New Elevator on Aigulle du Dru

Local tourist company Montenvers announced a helpful new elevator for tourists to reach the top of the Aiguille du Dru peak. The new feature in Mont Blanc in the French Alps should help tourists who prefer a more gentle approach and will feature “a cafeteria and a souvenir shop”. Nice.

Montenvers Aiguille du Dru Elevator - Climbing April Fools - climbernews

Ondra’s Olympics Secret Revealed

Strength, power, endurance, vocal range – Ondra has all the hard sport necessities down. Apart from one. See how the Czech demon hones his agility and grace in this new video.

Gold bolt Hangars from Metolius

Just in time for climbing’s first Oscar come these gold plated bolt hangars from Metolius. Only available for three star routes.

Hans Florine Beats El Cap Speed Record

Poet in residence Hans Florine has enshrined his latest speed ascent in true iambic style.

View this post on Instagram

I climbed El Cap on March 31st It was the break in the weather that gave me the thirst This short warm window of weather was just what I would need So I gathered my gear and set out on lead. @bluewaterropes @lasportivagram @petzl_official and @outdoorresearch were in my plan So I started up the sea of granite with a big ole grin I got on The Nose to solo it fast. I raised my own nose on the approach past the start of the Free Blast I got to Sickle in under 30 minutes Passing two parties, I paid my penance Through the Stove Legs I soloed, the rope dangling free I’m not known for this, but I just let it be I roped up for the boot flake and King Swing to push through it fast I made my way through the Gray Bands at last. The half-way point I did reach in an hour and 55 minutes, I felt bold This put me on pace to break the solo speed record set by @alexhonnold I focused on the Great Roof and Pancake Flake I didn’t want to endure another break! Camp 5 and 6 went by in a flash All that was left was the alcove, bolt ladder, and tree dash I fumbled to stop my watch, and what did it show? 4 hours 42 minutes and 23 seconds! I got on the phone to let my mom know! Mom was first to hear the news and you all on Instagram second I sent the speed solo record on The Nose. And it’s going to stick, I recon I am super spent and exhausted today, I can barely type My body aches all over, not much energy for hype A big climb like this is an obstacle, you might ask why I would bear But for inspiration to do so, I just look @erikweihenmayer There is nothing to stop you. Get out and adventure, you’ll love it I bet You’ve got no excuse to get out there, ask my friend @quinndalina @diablorockgym we have a saying we sing So get out and do it. #dohardthings I wrote this piece all by myself, yes @hansflorine But nothing rhymes well with that so I’ve stopped exploring I wrote it all myself with much laughter and joy And only a quick edit from @jaymemoye #aprilfools

A post shared by Hans Florine (@hansflorine) on

New Carabiner Ideas from Leading Brands

Both Edelrid and Beal are breaking new ground with these carabiners, coming to your local outdoor retailer Summer 3019.

El Cap Oscar Display

UKC report exclusively on the Free Solo team installing a new piece of gear on El Cap.

Moab’s Castle Tower Destroyed in Devastating Quake

Castle Tower destroyed in Earthquake - Climbing April Fools - climbernews

New Beginner Route Painting

We all know how hard it is for climbing newbies to transition from indoor gyms to real rock. A plucky local of Auckland crag Maungarei Springs has come up with a great new idea to help! Locals are banding together for a new route painting initiative on thecrag.com.

New Ethics Spray Paint Holds The Crag - Climbing April Fools - climbernews

GoreTex Wedding Wear

Say goodbye to sweaty pre-nuptial nerves. Extreme outdoors weddings have never been as breathable as Kathmandu introduce their new wedding wear.

Tighty Bighties

Bight’s new patented “betty swollocks” technology comes in to play with the “Sweatbox” 950 down undies.

Bight Gear Sweatbox Alpine Down Briefs - Climbing April Fools - climbernews

New Rope forGuaranteed Instagram Success

Want to get in the Free Solo hype, but don’t want to risk anything? We have the perfect product for you. Comes in new ultra skinny 0.0 width.

New Free Solo Invisible rope - Climbing April Fools - climbernews

Boot Flake Falls Off… Again

In a tragically recurring event, the boot flake has fallen off of El Cap. We hope like the previous years occurrences that the flake will have been bolted back in time for the climbing season to kick off again.

Boot Flake Fell of El Cap This Morning SuperTopo - April Fools - climbernews
Margo Hayes climbs 9a+ papichulo - climbernews

Five Things Friday – Top Climbing Stories – 29th March

Best Budget Beginners Climbing Shoes 2019 - climbernews.com

Best Budget Beginners Climbing Shoes 2019 – Complete Buyer’s Guide